Sunday, April 3, 2016

Random Chats (GPA)

While drinking my hot green tea around this hour, I decided to publish something here.

Remember on my previous post I said that I want to share my first year first semester's result? Oh welllllllll, how and where do I begin ey? *take a deep breath* Alhamdulillah I bersyukur sangat sangat like really!!! Even though dah lama gila since hari result keluar, I honestly can still remember that day. A really really meaningful day for me 

I jujur lah okay, I tak pernah dapat Dean's list and that was my first time and insya Allah the list will go on and getting better. My family and boyfriend sangat sangat supportive and happy when I told them my results. I bersyukur juga sebab bukan setakat atas pagar 3.5gpa tapi hehe lebih lah sikit, alhamdulillah.

During my foundation time, I pernah dapat 3.45 gpa je during second trimester. Cam depressed juga lah because lagi 0.5 kot???? When people asked, I confidently answered, "I'm fine.", when they already know that I am not fine at all. Nope. *shed tears*. Tell me how can I not be depressed when everyone around you result dia orang gempak gila? Of course rasa macam diri ku tidak berguna lagi di dunia ini... but hey, there's always pelangi selepas hujan! 

Masa first year first semester, I belajar dari kesilapan a lot. Dulu I ni seorang yang procrastinate to everything, like a brutal procrastinator. Memang brutal gila, hujung corner baru nak buat. But masa naik degree, I rasa I bertukar lah juga dalam 200°, sebab if 360 cam over sangat, kena slow slow hehe. I swear I rasa I ada tanggungjawab because I was chosen by a lecturer as a group leader in one of the subject I took last semester. Obviously I was shocked like "hello madam???", but I said it to myself. During foundation time, I tak pernah ada tanggungjawab like that because I rasa tak layak sangat nak jadi leader cam is there anyone are willingly to listen to my instructions and etc? But once dah dapat jadi a leader walaupun untuk  a mini project, I rasa best! Bukan rasa berkuasa tau, but rasa macam everyone in the group letak kepercayaan kat diri you to handle this group properly and percaya dengan any decisions you make. 

Okay, this is the most interesting part. Percaya tak if I say I tak pernah buat my own coding masa foundation? Not that tak pernah at all, but most of the time, minta tolong kawan. Percaya tak? Sila lah percaya because that's the fact. Tetapi, aku yang dulu bukanlah yang sekarang ya temen-temen. I DID MY OWN C PROGRAMMING CODING BY MYSELF. Yeap, that's right. That is how you read them, read them out loud! I rasa pencapaian yang paling telah dicapai lah lepas bertungkus lumus, penat lelah, laptop hang sampai menangis T_T. Macam bohong pula tak minta tolong orang kan, but boleh dikatakan dalam 75%-85% I buat sendiri lah ok. Yang memang tak reti tu minta tolong encik boyfriend yang bijaksana hehe. But the main highlight here is, I berjaya buat C Programming sendiri!!! Even though to some of you might think that it is easy, but not for me and that is why I excited kemain. Thanks to Sir Jaspal sebab dia baik sangat tapi tegas tapi cool and tak tolong student sangat because dia bagi I rasa challenging sangat sampai tak sabar nak habiskan cepat cepat!

Ok, this subject that I am going to talk about was susah seribu kali susah. I bersyukur sangat ada roommate dan segerombolan rakan-rakannya dalam membantu I siapkan assignment graphic media I ni. I ni student Information System but the subject that I took yang susah ni ialah untuk students Graphics Media. Nampak tak jurang perbezaan tu ketara sangat? Nampak tak? The subject wasn't that hard because it was theory yang you need to understand and memorize but the assignments masyaAllah ya Tuhanku, rasa nak menangis. Oh nope, bukan rasa nak menangis but I literally cried because my laptop hang, mati secara tiba-tiba, trial group presentation kena judge but alhamdulillah second group presentation went well and many moreeeee. This subject was a killer subject untuk I but finally, yay I did it!

Reason I membebel and keep my rants here sebenarnya untuk I baca juga, untuk I flashback balik whenever I'm at my lowest point in studies or if I rasa nak give up in whatever I do supaya I get my ass up back because every girls need to pick their tiara back, right?

Last but not least, I bersyukur juga that I made that mistake which I won't reveal it here until the time comes, because it hit me very hard. It gives me lessons yang I janji I akan ingat sampai bila-bila. Every time I malas, I procrastinate, I akan ingat benda tu. Semua tu second chance kan? Because look, we were given a chance to prove something but yet we tak prove that thing so we were given another chance which is the second chance. Second chance tu macam last final chance to prove to everyone including yourself that you can be a better person and you can do better in the future. I am still trying to prove to everyone that I am not the old Biela. Because bila dah sampai masa yang finally tunjuk your final outcome dekat semua orang yang selama ni pandang rendah dekat kita, rasa itu puas yang tersangat puas. 

Cara I husnudzon dengan apa-apa yang I minta tapi tak dapat ialah; Just ingat yang Allah tu adil. Mungkin apa yang kita nak tu, kita takkan dapat immediately now. Mungkin akan dapat next month, next year or perhaps takkan dapat langsung. But it doesn't mean Allah tak sayang kita, kan? Mungkin something yang kita nak tu is not good for us. Or maybe boleh buat kita lalai, mendabik dada sebab nak showoff dekat orang lain and maybe we're not ready for it yet ataupun ada sesuatu yang extremely lagi best yang Allah nak bagi daripada apa yang kita nak tu! Mungkin Allah tak bagi I 4 flat or more than my current cgpa now because rezeki I dekat tempat lain. Rezeki Allah tu kan luas, bukan setakat cgpa, but banyak-- terlampau banyak tak terhitung dek jari. Just think like that. But it's okay, to husnudzon pun takes time sebenarnya. Itu cara I husnudzon dengan apa yang jadi dekat life I buat masa ni. I akan slowly talk to myself walaupun sebenarnya tak boleh nak face the reality but fortunately, I berjaya juga. 

I am grateful with everything I have now but I am always thirsty for something bigger.
How about you? 

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